'I'm not hiding out': Transitioning late in life

Crystal Burroughs knew she was meant to be a girl by the time she was 4 years old, before she knew what the word transgender meant. But even though she was sure of her identity from a young age, growing up in the 1960s and 70s without transgender representation and living through decades of normalized transphobia — she never planned to actually come out as a transgender woman. 

From as early as elementary school, Burroughs would sneak into her mom’s closet and crossdress. As a child, it was normal for her to hear her teachers and coaches calling students slurs and derogatory terms. She said growing up, she was constantly under this “umbrella of fear” that someone would figure out who she really was — so she never told anyone, even as a married adult, that she was transgender. For years, she would wait until her wife was out of town to wear makeup and women’s dresses in her home.

“I intended to just hide it and just crossdress in private to satisfy that need,” Burroughs said. 

However, two years ago, her gender dysphoria was only getting worse, and Burroughs began drinking heavily to cope. Gender dysphoria is defined by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders as an incongruence between one's sex assigned at birth and their gender identity. To try and block out her identity, she decided she would buy a wig and makeup to see herself as a woman, and then that would be it, she would go back to fully dressing and living as a man. But, after feeling what it was like to be perceived as a woman and the gender euphoria that came along with it — she couldn’t go back. 

“My body went numb and I just felt like the weight of the world — I’ll get emotional — came off my shoulders,” Burroughs said.

In March 2023, when Burroughs was 60 years old, she came out as transgender, first just to her wife. Initially, she said she planned to only “make it a part time thing” and crossdress occasionally in public. 

“The more I got out, I felt so wonderful to be out and myself, the desire to be fully transitioned and living full time that way — it was overwhelming,” Burroughs said. 

By the end of 2023, she said she decided to go on hormone replacement therapy and begin fully transitioning. Now, she is fully out as as transgender to her job and larger community. At a state level, an estimated 0.9% of the adult population identifies as transgender, according to data from UCLA school of law Williams Institute from 2022. As a Chapel Hill resident, she said she feels supported and safe in her local community. 

“In Chapel Hill I can’t walk down the street without running into another trans person,” Burroughs said. “I mean it’s that much, and people practically high-five you.”

Yet at the national level, the conversation around transgender rights has become much more contentious. President Donald Trump has targeted transgender rights through a series of executive orders. His orders, while mostly still in limbo in court, specifically target groups including transgender athletes in schools, teenagers looking for gender affirming care and transgender people in prison. 

The majority of U.S. adults favor or strongly favor certain laws and policies that restrict transgender people, according to a study from February from the Pew Research Center. Sixty-six percent of survey respondents supported transgender athletes competing on teams matching their sex assigned at birth and 56% of survey respondents supported banning health care professionals from providing care related to gender transitions for minors. 

But, at the same time 56% of adults expressed support for policies aimed at protecting transgender people from job, housing and public discrimination. Overall, the survey found Americans have become more supportive of restrictions for transgender people. 

While older members of the transgender community are not as directly affected with current executive orders, Burroughs said it is still a scary time to be transgender. Burroughs has lived through a period of transgender rights growing exponentially, yet said in recent months, the future feels more uncertain. 

“The chance of violence against me, I think, has risen considerably,” Burroughs said. 

Burroughs is a member of Transcend Alamance, an organization with the goal of supporting members of the LGBTQ+ communities through support groups and programming. While Burroughs now has a larger community in the Chapel Hill and Carrboro area, she said this group was specifically helpful for her when she first came out.

Julie Tyson, a member of Transcend Alamance’s board of directors, has lived through an increase of rights for the LGBTQ+ communities. Yet, as a lesbian who has lived all over North Carolina, she said that recently she has noticed things have changed in certain ways. 

Tyson said she remembers hearing people yell slurs at her in the 1980s and she hasn’t heard anything like that for 30 to 40 years. But, she said for the first time in many years she recently had someone come up to her in her car and harass her for the multitude of stickers she has that represent parts of her identity. 

Tyson said despite that experience, what keeps her up at night is her concern for younger members of the LGBTQ+ communities. Tears welled in her eyes as she recounted her own experience growing up knowing at a young age that she was a lesbian and feeling loneliness and anger at the world. As an adult, knowing children are feeling those same emotions and seeing their own rights discussed in the news — she is at a loss for words.  

“I go to work in the morning and I do what I do,” Tyson said. “I go to work and I pet sit and I take care of my mom and I’m a raging machine of anger at the same time. I am absolutely infuriated.”

Burroughs has found her safe haven within her local community, with both formal events meant for members of the LGBTQ+ communities and informal social events, such as comedy shows and open mic events.

Burroughs, who has been a musician her whole life, performed at an open mic night for the first time on March 10 at Carrboro Speakeasy. The speakeasy is a place she has been able to find community in since coming out.

She said finding community and living her authentic life is worth everything she has lost. Last month, Burroughs and her wife separated after 32 years of marriage.

Burroughs said she thought the separation was due to the physical changes from her hormonal replacement therapy, but she still has no regrets about coming out. She said she has found the majority of her friends and family members were more supportive than she could have ever hoped, even those whom she grew up with and known long before her transition.

Tony Sharpe said he and Burroughs became close friends from a young age from riding the same school boy and pulling pranks together in the same Boy Scout troop. Even now, as adults living in different states, they have stayed friends.Sharpe was one of the first people Burroughs came out as transgender to, Burroughs said. 

“It didn’t matter to me, we’ve been friends for so long,” Sharpe said. “It’s like I said then, if you’ve known this and had this feeling since you were 5 and I’ve known you our whole lives, there’s nothing different about our friendship.”

Sharpe said in the moment he was just initially surprised that there was something this big about Burrough’s identity which he never knew about — but that it didn’t change their friendship. 

Despite her identity resulting in the end of her marriage and political concerns, Burroughs said after 60 years of keeping this part of her identity hidden, she isn’t afraid to express who she is anymore.

Burroughs said it’s been scary to see how quickly executive orders restricting rights of transgender people and other members of the LGBTQ+ communities have been written. Burroughs said she disagrees politically with the majority of what the Trump administration stands for and is worried for her friends who are struggling to refill hormone therapy medicine on Medicare insurance and other younger members of the LGBTQ+ communities who might struggle to receive gender affirming care. But, Burroughs said while she is nervous thinking about what the future of transgender rights in the U.S. might look like, she is prideful of her identity and secure in her local community. 

“I’m not hiding out, I’ll go down fighting,” Burroughs said.